For the past 43 years I have become familiar with the holiday blues yearly saga and the energy individuals, society and support groups put into this idea. People seem to be saying, because they are believing, that the holidays are disruptive, bad, sorrowful, etc. because - family members, friends, relatives died, divorced, war-terrorism losses, rape, robbery, incest, got drunk, loaded, laid off, illness and 1,000+ additional attachments. These are all sad, terrible, traumatic events that occur but they are not the real cause of the yearly discomfort.
The real cause is how the person relates to the loss event/relationship. The information they gave themselves at the time of the loss and never disputed is the real culprit. As Pogo says,
"We have met the enemy and He is us." I am not defining "Enemy" in a derogatory way. I'm simply saying that when people give themselves a meaning for an event that's taken place in their life they rarely go back and dispute or change their mind about it. Mostly they were unconscious about the initial meaning so finding it to challenge it is difficult and say "That's just the way I am or it is." I have found that those who successfully grieve their losses and do resolve, release, let go of the pain of the loss within themselves, can go on to experience life in a much more satisfying way because they have incorporated the loss as a part of their unique life experience.
It is in the burying of feelings that one truly negates themselves which sets them
up for their loss of sense of self. Being cut off from one's feelings is taught in most cases in childhood. Messages like "Grieve Alone", "Things should be different or would be better if...", "Big boys don't cry", "You have to be strong for...", "Time heals all wounds", etc. The person believes these mythological ideas because they are young, vulnerable, trusting of their parents/caregivers advise, traumatized and don't know what to believe so they take in these ideas as "true" and develop themselves around these false ideas. They then duplicate these beliefs in their lives as other losses occur and dig a deeper hole or develop a stronger belief in these emotional life taking lies.
So a foundation is set into place based on repression, minimization, believing they have to be "strong" which means to not experience or express true, honest, vulnerable feelings. This fosters withholding communications to the person, place, thing or event that is no longer in their lives. These unexpressed feelings become buried and the person slowly is cut off from who they are and how they experience life. Many then turn to morbid reflection, holiday blues, anger, depression, alcohol, drugs, sex, work, spending, food, activity, physical accidents, illness, relationships, avoiding relationships, want to hold on to the deceased. Unresolved feelings can be demonstrated as remorse, shame, low self-esteem, fears and/or phobias, cancer, heart disease, bowel problems, etc. People are very creative when it comes to repression.
Some people get to a turning point and decide they must make a change in their life; the pain of continuing on is great. Often times the feelings of frustration, hopelessness, anxiety, extreme emotional pain drives them to seek out help. These feelings of unresolved grief can be resolved and the level of difficulty is in direct proportion to the level of attachment they have to the old ideas about expression or repression.
The steps of this process include identifying the myths learned to repress one's feelings of loss, identify what is left unsaid, saying goodbye to the pain of the loss, continuing to express communications to the person, place, thing or event whenever they come up.
Finally, an Evidence Based acupressure technique to release feelings and attachments at a core level.
In the homestudy course C04, a 10 hour CEU course, its shorter version C04a, a 3 hour CEU course. I offer specific steps to help people resolve their undelivered communications which frees them up to experience life vs simply survive their losses. In C67, the 60 hour CEU certification course I use homestudy training, live Skype training and experiential training as the components of this course. Here you gain hands on experience.
Get more information on this life enhancing set of techniques for your professional development at www.contemporaryteaching.com. Phone: 713-461-3279.
As a bonus I've included a 45 minute meditation of a running stream, birds and the wind. Take it for your own.
Let me know how I can help. There are 76 other courses to choose from.
Michael Yeager B.A., LCDC, C.ht, CGRC, SAP, CTC
Therapist since 1973 - CEU provider since 1989